Now Is All We Have

The alcohol recovery meetings continue to offer real help, real support and a real way of evaporating feelings of isolation.  Super-effective.

Problems persist, though, as problems tend to do.  I keep thinking about how things would have been different if I had not been mucked about with my summer work, which has turned into a real saga.  But the situation we are in is the situation we are in and we have to deal with things as they are, and not keep wishing they were otherwise.  A nice theory, but I often find this hard.

I spoke about my frustration to a fellow after the last meeting.  She was very thoughtful when she said that maybe I didn’t start the work in July because the Universe needed me here to sow the seed which blossomed into my decision – somewhat out of the blue – to go to my first AA meeting and start this glorious ball of my alcohol recovery, rolling .

She had a good point, although I am always a little wary of going down that path of  “if I hadn’t done this or that then so-and-so wouldn’t have happened”.  My problem with that line of thinking is that we simply do not know what may or may not have happened if we had or had not done something or other.

We can’t know, and my best answer to this is to say that it does not matter.  I did, or did not, do this or that and I am now at this point, in this place and I only have to trust that the Universe has presented this situation for my ultimate benefit and having accepted that, just get on with things. It seems to work.

We can’t live in the past with a load of  “ífs”.  It is totally unhelpful and serves no good purpose.  We live in the Now.  We can alter things now, and only now.  I read somewhere once that said, more or less, that the past is gone, the future hasn’t happened yet.  All we have is the now, which is a gift.  That is why we call it ‘The Present’!!

I am still making plans for my future, of course.  Every day checking out job possibilities, keeping in touch with what is on offer out there, bearing in mind that I have my contract to go to in October.  No harm in looking to see if there are better possibilities elsewhere.  Options are no bad thing, for sure.

I’ll keep it brief this week.  I feel strong, confident and above all, grateful.  It is such a good philosophy to keep focussed on what we have to be grateful for, whether it is a good view for a moment, or the warm sun, the sound of the sea, a smile from a stranger – whatever.

I am re-learning the art of living where alcohol, alcoholism, or my addiction do not have to pre-occupy my every waking moment.  This really helps to keep me on the right track.  The sober track.

Bye for now.
Frex.